Hands
by christinajoanne
Summary: "Sometimes I hate being a firebender," he whispered. "This same power," his fingers squeezed upward, and trembled, "killed my parents."


"Sometimes I hate being a firebender," he whispered.

"This same power," his fingers squeezed upward, and trembled, "killed my parents."

There was a quietness in their small house. Their twin boys were fast asleep in their rooms, and their new baby girl was at her grandparent's home. There was no cries, or banter about toys, just them alone in their thoughts and doubts.

Korra's eyes widened, and although she wished to be his comforting voice and hand, her mouth stayed dry and her arms remained at her side in complete loss.

It was two in the morning, and Korra had decided to wait up for him. He was more late than usual.

She was in the kitchen, washing dishes under a dwindling burning candle light. Her mind was focused on the fire's blazing flame as she decided to clean the plates the old-fashioned way. She watched in deliriousness as the orange, fire glow licked the air, melting away at the white wax. Korra returned to her senses when the sound of an opening heavy door awoken her from her tired daze.

She turned off the gushing water as she made herself over to the front door and living room.

She wasn't surprised in the least. He had always came home late on this particular day of the year. She leaned against the open arch of the living room's wall as she watched him silently.

His face was stoic and cold, and there was a drowsiness in his heavy steps and tired, slouched shoulders. His fair was tousled as it draped a shadow over his eyes.

"You didn't have' ta wait for me, ye' know," he slurred in a low tone, indicating his inebriation. He closed the door, and leaned against the wall as he preceded to take off his boots; his eyes having yet to meet her's.

"I know."

With ease, she went to the corners of the room as she started to light candles. She placed them around the tables of the room.

Today was the anniversary of his parent's death. It had been a ritual in the least. Whenever the day came, she would allow him space to do whatever he needed to do.

For the most part, she would usually wake up to find an empty space next her, a cold indication that told her that he had left a long time ago in the early peaks of dusk. She wouldn't see him until the late hours of night. She'd never question his actions, or ask about them later on. Today was his day to mourn, and she would respect that.

With lidded eyes, he staggered pitifully to the couch, his body seeming to release a long held tension as he fell into the plump seats and listened to the air deflate around the shape of his body. Mako threw his head back, his arms laying lifelessly on the armrest.

He didn't look up at her as she sat next to him on the couch. There was still a small distance big enough to fit another person, between them.

"Korra," he murmured, his voice raspy from exhaustion, "Go to sleep." His eyes were close, his chest lifting upwards toward the ceiling. "I'll foll—ow, afta'wards."

"No."

"You have that council meeting tomorrow, rig-ht? Go to sleep."

"I'll just cancel then."

"It's late just —"

"I'll go when we can both go to bed together," she answered in conclusion, her words telling him to drop their argument.

He sighed deeply as he draped an arm against his eyes and surrendered to her answer.

She watched again as the fire from the candle flickered along the walls in fast movement; almost as it was alive. It danced against the filtering moonlight from the window and joined in the middle to create a bright color of yellow. The color of joy and treasure and life.

"Sometimes I hate being a firebender," he whispered.

The room became quiet and thick, not even a cricketfly could be heard against the thin outside glass. There was a growing tension that seemed to feed off his self-hating words.

She could sense the light of all the candles flicker as the light started to stifle.

"This same power," his fingers squeezed upward, and trembled, "killed my parents." He suddenly seemed sober, somber even.

Korra's eyes widened, and although she wished to be his comforting voice and hand, her mouth stayed dry and her arms remained at her side in complete loss.

"I never knew you felt this way," she said gently, scooting closer to him as she placed her hand on top of his.

He sighed, almost as if he was fighting with himself at whether he should continue or not. Mako took his arm off his eyes as he lifted his head up to align their eyes together. They turned soft as he gazed at her.

"I never told you. It wasn't something you, or the boys, or Reika needed to know." He leaned his body forward, pressing his left hand down on the couch, to cup her cheek with his right.

"Hey, don't give me that kind of look," he murmured as he brushed a stray lock behind her ear. She had already taken off her signature hair-do for the night; leaving it down in light curls. Something her husband, was always vocal to compliment about.

"I should be telling you that, Mr. broody," she whispered back, intertwining their fingers together on her face. "Don't give me that kind of look either."

He squeezed his other hand into her's, ushering her in closer to him.

She followed suit, as she cuddled into his shoulder. "I'm sorry about that, then." Mako lifted up her bangs to give her a chaste kiss.

He chuckled, "It seemed like I missed my daily forehead kiss for you today. Sorry about that too." He kissed her forehead again as he hugged her tightly. Every single day he liked to kiss her on the forehead, and he had always managed to miss this particular day each year.

"Come on, let's go to bed." He patted her back, as he stood up without stumbling, his inebriation seeming to disappear.

Mako held his palm open to her.

Was that it? He really didn't want to talk about it after admitting something that big to her?

Korra bit her lip. She wanted to say something. She couldn't just leave it at this, could she? Let him suffer this pain of being who he was.

"Korra?"

"Mako," Korra whispered. She took his hand in her's, forcing his head to turn back down to her. He tilted his head as he stared at her in bewilderment.

"What is it? Come on let's go. You must be tired," Mako leaned down as he patted her head, "You have eye bags."

He wore a fictitious happiness behind that forced smile of his. She could see right through it, through him.

Was he always like this? Why hadn't she noticed beforehand?

Keeping his pain in as the days approached. Holding back his anger as the day finished and he had to deal with reality?

"Mako, I —" Korra scratched up his arm,

She sounded unsteady, nervous, and upset, "If you want to talk, I'm always here, you know that, right?"

He didn't answer. He stared at her, his eyes seeming to roll as his lips thinned.

"I know…I know I'll never be able to give you greatest advice, because I've never been put into a position like yours, but I'm here. it's difficult and I just want you to know I'll always be here for you. Because you're not…a bad person. Just because you're a firebender, doesn't mean anything." Her words sounded too simplistic to be comfort, but she was never good with words.

It was quiet again, though this time there was no tension. It actually seemed peaceful.

She watched her husband scratch his head and sigh in defeat. His cheerful countenance quickly melted off his face and was replaced by a type of emotion that made him look years older than he already was.

He swept a hand over his eyes, and saw years of pent up sadness in them.

Mako sat back down next to her, extricating himself from her fingers as he tried to arrange his thoughts into words.

"It…" his voice stuttered, his eyes clouding over as his true inebriated self started to reappear again, his voice, however, somewhat stronger than it has ever been, "I thought I was getting over it. I thought to myself it was just..one firebender. It was us just being somewhere at the wrong place and time. And also, cause I know I was too young to change anything."

He paused again. "But I don't know…then suddenly we had Kai and Kesuk, and…when we found they were firebenders, it got bad, Korr."

He swallowed as he continued. She knew what he was gonna say next.

"And then when we had Reika, I was almost positive she was going to get your bending, Korra. To be this incredible, pure embodiment of goodness. I mean the boys had my eyes and a part of me knew they'd be inheriting this power from me. But no, I really wanted Rei to be a waterbender. Waterbender's are healers. It symbolizes life. They are able to cure. And who else wouldn't want that?"

His arms were shaking.

"But then when we found out last week, she was a firebender. I don't know…" his voice started to close and choke up as he stared at the candle's flame, his fists tightening, "I lost it. I felt like I failed her. All of them. Sometimes it'd be so hard for me to look at them. I may have been unable to change the situation when I was a kid, but I cannot change the fact that—they hold this power to destroy. It's in them, and I can't change the fact that fire will always destroy. I gave them got this evil power…from me."

Mako slammed his fist hard into the armrest, extinguishing all the candles in the room. The only light they received came from the window. "They are all firebenders. Fire only destroys, and kills. They will have to deal with the grief of holding such destruction and power in their hands. If there were no such thing as firebenders, my parents would still be here, it's my fault they died. It's this power that killed them, and has killed countless have received a bending that only brings about death, Korra. Sometimes I feel like they may be the embodiment of it."

She could feel his harsh breath slowly fade into tiny crying and frustrated whimpers as he slammed his fist harder into the pillows. "And it's my fault that they are…"

He couldn't bring himself to say it, but she knew what he was implying, what his nightmares always whispered to him.

"Do you really think all firebending is the embodiment of evil? That are children are also evil? That you're evil?" Korra clenched his hands, "Hey," she whispered gently, "Look, at me, come on —" She sounded like a mother, soothing a child, as she rubbed her thumb against his tight fists.

He couldn't. He didn't want to look at her.

She sighed at his stubbornness, but still yielded to continue, "You're right about fire."

She felt his form tense against her. He hadn't expect her to agree with him so quickly.

"Firebending is destruction; it means control, and power, and it's usually fueled by anger, and hatred, and rage."

He turned his face to her's, listening to her as he accepted her harsh words in personal punishment. Mako nodded his head, almost as if he was apologizing for the whole Fire nation.

She opened her palms up as she ignited a large flame.

"But it's also something else…" She took his hands and faced it palm up, asking him to copy her motion. The fire was bright and it illuminated their faces in the dark room.

"It's warmth, it's energy, and light. You hold in your hand the ability to destroy and create, Mako. It is what you decide to be, that makes you the type of firebender you are. It lights your way when you are lost in the dark."

His breath hitched and his eyes grew into large orbs as he was consumed by her wise words. He had never seen his bending in that sort of light.

The warm heat radiated off her palm, and his fingers were aching to touch it; to touch her heat.

"You may regret and dislike our children because—"

He sputtered as he viciously shook his head, "Oh, spirits, no, Korra. I didn't mean it like that -"

She slowly placed her arm up, transferring part of her flame to him.

"I'm a firebender too, Mako."

Their fingers were palmed up, as she intertwined them together.

He concentrated and produced his own fire; slightly bigger than her's, more calmer in its wave.

Mako swallowed as he felt her flame touch his, feeling everything about her in this orange glow of fire. He could understand her devotion to him, her unsaid words, her tender love, her genuine need to be with him, encase him as he became imbued by the flames.

They gasped slightly as they pressed them together. She could feel her cheeks redden and her chest starting to beat loudly.

Mako was breathing in slight erratic breaths.

"We're both firebenders. We didn't create evil through our firebending children. How could something this beautiful and genuinely pure be anything, but good?"

Together their flames sparked into a tiny explosion, both of them in concentration as they willed their power into the yellow glow, controlling it, until it became one.

"You may regret and dislike our children because—because they carry this power, but within their hands holds something stronger than destruction, it holds life. They hold in themselves the color of all things alive."

Their small flames united to create an almost beautiful and brilliant illumination, brightening up the room completely.

"Our flames…our heat…created…light…it created, life. It created our children." She took his free hand and squeezed, "These hands were not made to injure or hurt. No, that depends on the person. Within all darkness, there is a light. Within all good, there is a bad. Why, even a waterbender has the ability to kill." She smiled at him, "Bloodbending remember?"

He remained quiet.

"These hands," she examined the lines of his palm, her fingers leaving a tingling sensation in its wake as she tickled the skin, "These hands were made to protect the citizens of Republic City. They were made to tuck Kesuk into bed. They were made to prepare food for the family, and teach Kaito how to play fireball. They were made to wipe off tears, and they were made to carry baby girls named Reika."

She could see his face turn into a watery smile; all his doubts and insecurities finally leaving him.

"They were made to love me." Korra took his free hand and placed it against her breast, "Every night, gently and tenderly."

She took them against her lips as she kissed them, "These hands were not made for destruction. They were made for life."

* * *

**A/N**: Christina here, so I really love getting inspired by atla quotes, and I try my best to integrate it in the story as normally as possible. I was going through my drafts, and found the first line, and read it, and was instantly determined to finish this. I hoped you liked it. I always try my best to think of original and creative storylines. And I feel like as a firebender, maybe Mako may feel a bit bitter? Maybe he might blame himself for their deaths, and that maybe he'd somehow connect his power with the murderer, and hate himself. Almost as he himself is the one to blame.


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